stress + lack of food = nausea

I'm not sure how much I should be writing given that I don't know if potential or current customers will find their way here but I think I have to go for it. It's almost 11 pm and I am close to tears and feeling nauseous. I just ate a sandwich about 20 minutes ago and it was the first real food since about 11 am. This is not a good trend. I worked until 8:30 at my "regular" job and didn't take a dinner break since the phone conference with my boss didn't happen at the time it was supposed to and he wanted to do it anyway and it ran into my time. Although he would have wanted me to take the break - I was expecting a client at the other location whom I didn't know and is part of a "priority population" he wants us social workers to be attending to more closely and I was already going to be late. So I had a cupcake that the volunteer brought. I was stressed when I got there and was going to leave early but that didn't happen tonight.
So I am left wondering whether I really can do the goat business part-time when I am leaving work so stressed and then needing to attend to goat stuff. I mean for crying out loud I am not even having to really take care of my own goats yet.

I started the day in a pretty good mood overall. I got my truck signage and am excited about it! The person I got them from also introduced me via email to a welder to hopefully help deal with the enclosure issue. Then I got the truck bed mat (finally) and although it was bigger packaging than I thought it still managed to fit the the VW Golf. Yay for hatchbacks and German engineering! But now I gotta figure out where the heck to put it since I still have the enclosure hanging out in the back of the truck. And then tonight I get an email from a person on Craigslist that has a different kind of enclosure that might be worth looking at but I still have the old one in the back. So I could get some help getting the old one out if I am going to look at a different one, but then if that doesn't work I am going to need to get it back in if I take it to the welder and how much of a pain in the ass is it to keep asking the same people to help haul the damn thing in and out of the truck? I won't know until I get there but I am trying to plan ahead and I can't possibly foresee the way things will go and that is frustrating the HELL out of me right now. I have to schedule jobs but really I can't do that until I know when I'll be able to actually transport the goats. And I need more goats. And I won't do a job until I have insurance which I don't have yet because I haven't made the time to look at the one estimate I did get and figure out where the other person's info is to get another estimate.

Did I mention that I bought hanging files to try to organize the business stuff? Sure did. And an additional hanging rack for the cabinet as well. And I have folders. And receipts everywhere - well 2 places mainly. And I need to call about a tax person. Doing the taxes should get me some additional money which I need. I need to do flyers for both the business and for looking for a home base for the goats that isn't so far away. I need some clothes for me as well. I need work boots that aren't muck boots primarily. I need clothes that do not cross over between jobs if I have any hope of maintaining a professional appearance at either place.

I am worried about being able to get jobs done in 3 days and being able to get set-up and wrapped up having the job that is paying my rent and my health insurance. And I found that there are 2 referrals Tammy gave me that I am not sure I contacted yet at all - in fact it's likely I haven't. That makes me feel like a heel. I don't want to make a bad first impression nor do I want her/Rent-A-Ruminant to look bad. That is bad for everyone. If I already feel like I am slipping how is it going to be when I get busier? Which I fully anticipate happening. Being hard on myself isn't helpful but maintaining standards is important. I'm not sure I can tell where the line is yet and that stresses me out.

I have to keep truckin' through this. It's part of the learning curve. I freak out and freeeze and then kick myself to start again cuz freezing makes it worse and round and round it goes. I have big dreams for all of this it's just really hard being at the beginning and not feeling competent yet.