stress + lack of food = nausea

I'm not sure how much I should be writing given that I don't know if potential or current customers will find their way here but I think I have to go for it. It's almost 11 pm and I am close to tears and feeling nauseous. I just ate a sandwich about 20 minutes ago and it was the first real food since about 11 am. This is not a good trend. I worked until 8:30 at my "regular" job and didn't take a dinner break since the phone conference with my boss didn't happen at the time it was supposed to and he wanted to do it anyway and it ran into my time. Although he would have wanted me to take the break - I was expecting a client at the other location whom I didn't know and is part of a "priority population" he wants us social workers to be attending to more closely and I was already going to be late. So I had a cupcake that the volunteer brought. I was stressed when I got there and was going to leave early but that didn't happen tonight.
So I am left wondering whether I really can do the goat business part-time when I am leaving work so stressed and then needing to attend to goat stuff. I mean for crying out loud I am not even having to really take care of my own goats yet.

I started the day in a pretty good mood overall. I got my truck signage and am excited about it! The person I got them from also introduced me via email to a welder to hopefully help deal with the enclosure issue. Then I got the truck bed mat (finally) and although it was bigger packaging than I thought it still managed to fit the the VW Golf. Yay for hatchbacks and German engineering! But now I gotta figure out where the heck to put it since I still have the enclosure hanging out in the back of the truck. And then tonight I get an email from a person on Craigslist that has a different kind of enclosure that might be worth looking at but I still have the old one in the back. So I could get some help getting the old one out if I am going to look at a different one, but then if that doesn't work I am going to need to get it back in if I take it to the welder and how much of a pain in the ass is it to keep asking the same people to help haul the damn thing in and out of the truck? I won't know until I get there but I am trying to plan ahead and I can't possibly foresee the way things will go and that is frustrating the HELL out of me right now. I have to schedule jobs but really I can't do that until I know when I'll be able to actually transport the goats. And I need more goats. And I won't do a job until I have insurance which I don't have yet because I haven't made the time to look at the one estimate I did get and figure out where the other person's info is to get another estimate.

Did I mention that I bought hanging files to try to organize the business stuff? Sure did. And an additional hanging rack for the cabinet as well. And I have folders. And receipts everywhere - well 2 places mainly. And I need to call about a tax person. Doing the taxes should get me some additional money which I need. I need to do flyers for both the business and for looking for a home base for the goats that isn't so far away. I need some clothes for me as well. I need work boots that aren't muck boots primarily. I need clothes that do not cross over between jobs if I have any hope of maintaining a professional appearance at either place.

I am worried about being able to get jobs done in 3 days and being able to get set-up and wrapped up having the job that is paying my rent and my health insurance. And I found that there are 2 referrals Tammy gave me that I am not sure I contacted yet at all - in fact it's likely I haven't. That makes me feel like a heel. I don't want to make a bad first impression nor do I want her/Rent-A-Ruminant to look bad. That is bad for everyone. If I already feel like I am slipping how is it going to be when I get busier? Which I fully anticipate happening. Being hard on myself isn't helpful but maintaining standards is important. I'm not sure I can tell where the line is yet and that stresses me out.

I have to keep truckin' through this. It's part of the learning curve. I freak out and freeeze and then kick myself to start again cuz freezing makes it worse and round and round it goes. I have big dreams for all of this it's just really hard being at the beginning and not feeling competent yet.

Here come the jobs

Aaaack! I'm not ready! But here they come. I've done 3 estimates now and I'm wondering how accurate they will be. No rack yet for the truck so I don't know how I'll transport the goats, and I am only at 6 goats right now rather than the 15 I am aiming for. No practice runs either. Nor do I think I actually have everything yet. But maybe. I have to double/triple check all that again. I feel like I have stuff all over the place and I suppose that is a) part of my chaotic way of being and b) partly just not having done this before and not having a routine yet. So far everyone I have encountered for the jobs has been pretty cool.



I am also checking in on the Rent-A-Ruminant herd which is about 1-1 1/2 hrs from me and I am getting a taste of taking care of a large herd. It's hard to keep track of them. Especially when I am having to check feet and give shots and catch them in general. Why is it that the ones whose hooves are just fine are the ones jumping up on the stand and the gimpiest ones are the hardest to catch and the most stubborn about getting their care? grrr...I'm feeling the results of matching will and strength with goats in my muscles now and likely tomorrow as well. At least I DID get some feet done. Ha!



I think the hardest part right now is that my goats and I are in different places and all the travelling around. It feels like there are so many details and things to be dealt with...

Crap. I had a bunch more written but then the internet conked out and it got lost. Grrr....this seems to be a theme of things not going as planned. I'm kinda over it.

Another learning curve

The future Social Worker/ Goat Wrangler Age 6 with J.D. Watson

Well it has been quite a week. The paternal unit came cross-country to get a sense of what was going on and to help with caprine housing and truck stuff. We visited the goats out on Vashon Island - which is the temporary homestead for them at this time. He got to see some retired Rent-A-Ruminant goats as well as both of us meeting my 2 new goats - a girl is added to the mix! Check out pictures of the herd and get updates on all things Amazin' Grazers at www.facebook.com/amazingrazersllc. That took up most of Thursday. Friday we tried to fill up the tires on the truck and had less than optimal success. We then went out to look into a bed mat for the truck to prevent goats from slipping around (no luck on the first try), looked at a potential home base, and managed to pick up some POWER TOOLS! The chainsaw is on hand and the hedgetrimmer is ordered and paid for. Woohoo! Being the dad as well as major financial contributor, he purchased the bright orange protective chaps to be worn when using said power tools. Oh I will be so attractive to the boys now! We also did some tracking down of where to get a mat from and that is now in at one of the stores we were at. Another issue was the tailgate which we couldn't get to come down and that was critical to tomorrows operations. We bounced around to different Chevy dealers looking for a screw that apparently no one carries and it wasn't a sure thing that it would fix the situation. Time constraints prevented us from solving this dilemma today.
Saturday was the BIG DAY! I had persuaded a couple of city boys who work out to help with putting the very heavy enclosure on the truck so that I would be able to transport goats on my own. It was POURING rain here in Seattle and we got up to where the enclosure was being stored and added another helper. The tailgate issue ended up being solved without a lot of to-do, thankfully, although there isn't a permanent fix. After a lot of measuring and huddling and wherefore and whatnot, we came to the conclusion that the enclosure that I had bought prior to the truck was not going to fit on the bed of the truck without some significant reconfiguration with tools and skills none of us possessed. Such as welding. While it was amusing watching 4 adult men debate the possible strategies for dealing with the situation, I very nearly had a melt-down at this news. This was supposed to be DONE. This was a main project that is critical to the operation of the business, without this - no business happens. I really believe the only thing that kept me from losing my shit completely was that dad seemed calm. Seeing as nothing could be done - we loaded the parts into the truck (where they still are) and we went our separate ways. The sun came out later and after getting some food dad & I headed out for more tire dealings. Apparently the local gas stations are less equipped to handle the air pressure needs of large truck tires. Went to one tire & service place and got them filled but were advised to get a new valve for one tire. Went to 2nd tire place and they didn't have the valve either and advised to go down the road to the chain tire store that was the sole retailer for these particular tires and that they would likely fix it for free. Which they did, and it took and hour. Keep in mind, we are solving a problem I didn't know I had previously and this has taken many hours over 2 days. This appears to be the pace of this venture. I had to make a list before the dad left so that I can track the things I am now supposed to follow-up on or track as a result of his visit. Not that it's bad, it's just more.
Sunday (the last day) is spent picking up miscellaneous things that I need like ground rods and a battery etc. Which of course takes us all over town and involves me trying to manage my dad trying to get me to buy things I don't think I need - like a box to keep the battery in out on the job. The damn battery weighs a ton and I am going to put it in a plastic box? Where is all this going? It's a MARINE battery for crying out loud! I thought all i need to know was that I needed a 12v marine battery when I went into the store and then I am asked all these questions about output and stuff I can't remember. This is when I should mention that I keep getting on the phone to Tammy of Rent-A-Ruminant as she is trying to gather her stuff and get to the airport to fly to Australia to see about starting an affiliate there! Thank goodness she only has me right now getting up and going....and as I tell her regularly, it's all her fault that I am doing this. Not really. But she has been very encouraging of all this which is good and muchly needed at times. Like when trying to buy a battery.
And the rack business...both dad and I spent some time looking on the internet for possible rack solutions. Most of the racks are slide in deals that don't seem sufficient to me for 15 goats (another call to Tammy suggests that it might be ok). I find one place that makes an aluminum one that sits up on the rails of the bed and is more enclosed and email away for information. Today I find out that for only $3,065 I too can have this beauteous thing made to fit my truck. Seems a little pricey especially since I am down to under a grand and have insurance, internet, bed mat, and a vet kit to get still - oh and gas for the vehicles I am using. Driving the car as much as I can since gas prices are high. I forwarded the info to the dad for perusal. We'll see what comes of it all. Modifying the existing thing seems much more reasonable now. But where to find the right worker for this job??
So now I hang loose. It is raining like the dickens and I will be out checking in on about 150 goats in 2 locations this weekend and then mucking about at New Moon on Sunday. I need to finish writing up an estimate for one job and have another site visit planned and another in the works. Gotta get the truck signs ordered, an ad placed in an upcoming publication, the vehicle insurance paid, an accountant found, biz insurance dealt with, the bed mat picked up and flyers made.
One of the last things dad said to me as I dropped him off at the airport in the pre-dawn of Monday morning was "I think this is going to work." And that is the best encouragement this city girl can get.

Moving along

I have been feeling overwhelmed again. So much to do and the fact that I am still working my emotionally stressful job takes it out of me. Thhe good news is that my father and brother are coming to town next weekend and I am hoping that with a 4 day weekend and help from them, I can feel like I am on top of some things. Like getting the power tools. Getting the truck capable of transporting the goats and equipment. Getting a home base picked out and maybe some building done if needed. My brother is bringing his pro video camera and will be taking footage for the documentary. I'm not really kidding actually. And he isn't the first one to think of it. When I first met Tammy's sister, she was talking about how Tammy should be documenting the first affiliate experience. Too bad Tammy will likely be crazed when they are here - getting ready to leave for Australia to hopefully start her first international affiliate.

I still think there is value in documenting what I am doing as I think this idea will spread and others will likely be in my situation - wanting to do it but having absolutely nothing to start with. It seems that right now other folks who might be interested already have a farm and goats and a truck and some power tools. I am a city girl making a transition and the biggest challenge is that my days are generally filled with other work that keeps my rent & bills paid and gives me health insurance. I can't afford to leave it and go full tilt into this venture until I figure out if I can sustain myself with it. Such a balancing act. Have I mentioned that my balance is a little wonky?

I went out to visit my boys over at Tammy's place today. It was a rough week and I needed some time with the animals out in the country. The calf was a big slobber mouth and would hardly leave me alone when I got there. She is awfully cute but I was there for the goats. Even though Griffin has siblings there, he is so bonded to his pal Stanley that they follow each other around. They curl up together in the corner, often with Stanley around Griffin who is scrunched up against the wall. George and HoneyBear are the other team. Bear seems to be managing his bullying behavior with the other big goats around, and the calf. They seemed a little bored today since it was raining and they were mostly inside - George and Bear were trying to eat the walls. There is a shelf that runs along the length of one of the walls of the one stall and the goats love getting up on it in a line - head to butt. At one point all 4 of my boys were up there but it was too dark to take a picture with my phone camera. I think I met the next 2 who will be mine. If it is them they are super sweet. They have similar coloring to Bear but longer ears and one doesn't have horns. They are smaller too, yearlings I think. I don't actually remember how old Bear and George are. I think Tammy told me.

I also went out to check out my first potential job today! Woohoo! The woman was really cool. I think it will be a good first job. I have to figure out doing the estimate now. Zoinks! I also need to figure out my "test run" sites. Tomorrow will give me some daylight to check out the more complex one. I'll be there for a party and use the opportunity to check it out. Nat is working on modifying the design for truck signage and I'll need to get a banner done as well soon. The place I am getting this stuff done is pretty quick so that is a real plus. I have almost 70 fans on my Facebook page as well (www.facebook.com/amazingrazersllc)! People are awesome! I still can't get over the fact that people will just invite you into their houses and give out addresses and such for this business. It almost freaks me out. I am so used to managing privacy stuff and being uber careful about talking about people but in this kind of business people talking is what you want. As long as you are good.