Job One

Ok it has been over a month since I have posted and a lot has been going on. I have completed my first job. Or I should say finished. It wasn't really complete. A lot of stuff got in the way and I have offered the customer to come back and finish at a reduced cost due to delays out of my control. Such as the hedge-trimmer attachment being delayed and then unable to pick it up the morning of the job due to a crime at the shop the night before. And a loose goat that caused me to miss a ferry and delayed me an additional hour. And I had a promo event that took 2 goats off the job for about 7 hours - and with a small herd that matters. And those 2 goasts got stuck in the truck for an aditional 45 min- 1 hr due to my failing to tie up some fencing that then trapped them by keeping the door from opening. I had to call my friend Juliet's hubby and his pal to come help rescue them/me. Not exactly the chillin' with the goats scenario I had imagined.


The night before the job was supposed to have started I was a bundle of nerves. Anxiety off the charts. I wanted to take some of the valium I use for airline travel but I was nervous that I would be too sleepy in the morning. I have a bad habit of running through all the most horrible things that could ever possibly happen and then worrying about them. None of those things happened...other things did and I managed them. Maybe not perfectly but it was my first time and honestly, just getting that first job done was a big relief. I will be so afraid of screwing thing up that it sometimes becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Interlude....I had a great post all written out and then the internet cut out before I could post it so this is as far as the auto-recover got me....I am truly pissed off about this as it has happened before and if I put the effort into writing I don't want technology screwing with me. grrrrr!

THat's all for now, I don't hav ethe energy to re-create it all.

stress + lack of food = nausea

I'm not sure how much I should be writing given that I don't know if potential or current customers will find their way here but I think I have to go for it. It's almost 11 pm and I am close to tears and feeling nauseous. I just ate a sandwich about 20 minutes ago and it was the first real food since about 11 am. This is not a good trend. I worked until 8:30 at my "regular" job and didn't take a dinner break since the phone conference with my boss didn't happen at the time it was supposed to and he wanted to do it anyway and it ran into my time. Although he would have wanted me to take the break - I was expecting a client at the other location whom I didn't know and is part of a "priority population" he wants us social workers to be attending to more closely and I was already going to be late. So I had a cupcake that the volunteer brought. I was stressed when I got there and was going to leave early but that didn't happen tonight.
So I am left wondering whether I really can do the goat business part-time when I am leaving work so stressed and then needing to attend to goat stuff. I mean for crying out loud I am not even having to really take care of my own goats yet.

I started the day in a pretty good mood overall. I got my truck signage and am excited about it! The person I got them from also introduced me via email to a welder to hopefully help deal with the enclosure issue. Then I got the truck bed mat (finally) and although it was bigger packaging than I thought it still managed to fit the the VW Golf. Yay for hatchbacks and German engineering! But now I gotta figure out where the heck to put it since I still have the enclosure hanging out in the back of the truck. And then tonight I get an email from a person on Craigslist that has a different kind of enclosure that might be worth looking at but I still have the old one in the back. So I could get some help getting the old one out if I am going to look at a different one, but then if that doesn't work I am going to need to get it back in if I take it to the welder and how much of a pain in the ass is it to keep asking the same people to help haul the damn thing in and out of the truck? I won't know until I get there but I am trying to plan ahead and I can't possibly foresee the way things will go and that is frustrating the HELL out of me right now. I have to schedule jobs but really I can't do that until I know when I'll be able to actually transport the goats. And I need more goats. And I won't do a job until I have insurance which I don't have yet because I haven't made the time to look at the one estimate I did get and figure out where the other person's info is to get another estimate.

Did I mention that I bought hanging files to try to organize the business stuff? Sure did. And an additional hanging rack for the cabinet as well. And I have folders. And receipts everywhere - well 2 places mainly. And I need to call about a tax person. Doing the taxes should get me some additional money which I need. I need to do flyers for both the business and for looking for a home base for the goats that isn't so far away. I need some clothes for me as well. I need work boots that aren't muck boots primarily. I need clothes that do not cross over between jobs if I have any hope of maintaining a professional appearance at either place.

I am worried about being able to get jobs done in 3 days and being able to get set-up and wrapped up having the job that is paying my rent and my health insurance. And I found that there are 2 referrals Tammy gave me that I am not sure I contacted yet at all - in fact it's likely I haven't. That makes me feel like a heel. I don't want to make a bad first impression nor do I want her/Rent-A-Ruminant to look bad. That is bad for everyone. If I already feel like I am slipping how is it going to be when I get busier? Which I fully anticipate happening. Being hard on myself isn't helpful but maintaining standards is important. I'm not sure I can tell where the line is yet and that stresses me out.

I have to keep truckin' through this. It's part of the learning curve. I freak out and freeeze and then kick myself to start again cuz freezing makes it worse and round and round it goes. I have big dreams for all of this it's just really hard being at the beginning and not feeling competent yet.

Here come the jobs

Aaaack! I'm not ready! But here they come. I've done 3 estimates now and I'm wondering how accurate they will be. No rack yet for the truck so I don't know how I'll transport the goats, and I am only at 6 goats right now rather than the 15 I am aiming for. No practice runs either. Nor do I think I actually have everything yet. But maybe. I have to double/triple check all that again. I feel like I have stuff all over the place and I suppose that is a) part of my chaotic way of being and b) partly just not having done this before and not having a routine yet. So far everyone I have encountered for the jobs has been pretty cool.



I am also checking in on the Rent-A-Ruminant herd which is about 1-1 1/2 hrs from me and I am getting a taste of taking care of a large herd. It's hard to keep track of them. Especially when I am having to check feet and give shots and catch them in general. Why is it that the ones whose hooves are just fine are the ones jumping up on the stand and the gimpiest ones are the hardest to catch and the most stubborn about getting their care? grrr...I'm feeling the results of matching will and strength with goats in my muscles now and likely tomorrow as well. At least I DID get some feet done. Ha!



I think the hardest part right now is that my goats and I are in different places and all the travelling around. It feels like there are so many details and things to be dealt with...

Crap. I had a bunch more written but then the internet conked out and it got lost. Grrr....this seems to be a theme of things not going as planned. I'm kinda over it.

Another learning curve

The future Social Worker/ Goat Wrangler Age 6 with J.D. Watson

Well it has been quite a week. The paternal unit came cross-country to get a sense of what was going on and to help with caprine housing and truck stuff. We visited the goats out on Vashon Island - which is the temporary homestead for them at this time. He got to see some retired Rent-A-Ruminant goats as well as both of us meeting my 2 new goats - a girl is added to the mix! Check out pictures of the herd and get updates on all things Amazin' Grazers at www.facebook.com/amazingrazersllc. That took up most of Thursday. Friday we tried to fill up the tires on the truck and had less than optimal success. We then went out to look into a bed mat for the truck to prevent goats from slipping around (no luck on the first try), looked at a potential home base, and managed to pick up some POWER TOOLS! The chainsaw is on hand and the hedgetrimmer is ordered and paid for. Woohoo! Being the dad as well as major financial contributor, he purchased the bright orange protective chaps to be worn when using said power tools. Oh I will be so attractive to the boys now! We also did some tracking down of where to get a mat from and that is now in at one of the stores we were at. Another issue was the tailgate which we couldn't get to come down and that was critical to tomorrows operations. We bounced around to different Chevy dealers looking for a screw that apparently no one carries and it wasn't a sure thing that it would fix the situation. Time constraints prevented us from solving this dilemma today.
Saturday was the BIG DAY! I had persuaded a couple of city boys who work out to help with putting the very heavy enclosure on the truck so that I would be able to transport goats on my own. It was POURING rain here in Seattle and we got up to where the enclosure was being stored and added another helper. The tailgate issue ended up being solved without a lot of to-do, thankfully, although there isn't a permanent fix. After a lot of measuring and huddling and wherefore and whatnot, we came to the conclusion that the enclosure that I had bought prior to the truck was not going to fit on the bed of the truck without some significant reconfiguration with tools and skills none of us possessed. Such as welding. While it was amusing watching 4 adult men debate the possible strategies for dealing with the situation, I very nearly had a melt-down at this news. This was supposed to be DONE. This was a main project that is critical to the operation of the business, without this - no business happens. I really believe the only thing that kept me from losing my shit completely was that dad seemed calm. Seeing as nothing could be done - we loaded the parts into the truck (where they still are) and we went our separate ways. The sun came out later and after getting some food dad & I headed out for more tire dealings. Apparently the local gas stations are less equipped to handle the air pressure needs of large truck tires. Went to one tire & service place and got them filled but were advised to get a new valve for one tire. Went to 2nd tire place and they didn't have the valve either and advised to go down the road to the chain tire store that was the sole retailer for these particular tires and that they would likely fix it for free. Which they did, and it took and hour. Keep in mind, we are solving a problem I didn't know I had previously and this has taken many hours over 2 days. This appears to be the pace of this venture. I had to make a list before the dad left so that I can track the things I am now supposed to follow-up on or track as a result of his visit. Not that it's bad, it's just more.
Sunday (the last day) is spent picking up miscellaneous things that I need like ground rods and a battery etc. Which of course takes us all over town and involves me trying to manage my dad trying to get me to buy things I don't think I need - like a box to keep the battery in out on the job. The damn battery weighs a ton and I am going to put it in a plastic box? Where is all this going? It's a MARINE battery for crying out loud! I thought all i need to know was that I needed a 12v marine battery when I went into the store and then I am asked all these questions about output and stuff I can't remember. This is when I should mention that I keep getting on the phone to Tammy of Rent-A-Ruminant as she is trying to gather her stuff and get to the airport to fly to Australia to see about starting an affiliate there! Thank goodness she only has me right now getting up and going....and as I tell her regularly, it's all her fault that I am doing this. Not really. But she has been very encouraging of all this which is good and muchly needed at times. Like when trying to buy a battery.
And the rack business...both dad and I spent some time looking on the internet for possible rack solutions. Most of the racks are slide in deals that don't seem sufficient to me for 15 goats (another call to Tammy suggests that it might be ok). I find one place that makes an aluminum one that sits up on the rails of the bed and is more enclosed and email away for information. Today I find out that for only $3,065 I too can have this beauteous thing made to fit my truck. Seems a little pricey especially since I am down to under a grand and have insurance, internet, bed mat, and a vet kit to get still - oh and gas for the vehicles I am using. Driving the car as much as I can since gas prices are high. I forwarded the info to the dad for perusal. We'll see what comes of it all. Modifying the existing thing seems much more reasonable now. But where to find the right worker for this job??
So now I hang loose. It is raining like the dickens and I will be out checking in on about 150 goats in 2 locations this weekend and then mucking about at New Moon on Sunday. I need to finish writing up an estimate for one job and have another site visit planned and another in the works. Gotta get the truck signs ordered, an ad placed in an upcoming publication, the vehicle insurance paid, an accountant found, biz insurance dealt with, the bed mat picked up and flyers made.
One of the last things dad said to me as I dropped him off at the airport in the pre-dawn of Monday morning was "I think this is going to work." And that is the best encouragement this city girl can get.

Moving along

I have been feeling overwhelmed again. So much to do and the fact that I am still working my emotionally stressful job takes it out of me. Thhe good news is that my father and brother are coming to town next weekend and I am hoping that with a 4 day weekend and help from them, I can feel like I am on top of some things. Like getting the power tools. Getting the truck capable of transporting the goats and equipment. Getting a home base picked out and maybe some building done if needed. My brother is bringing his pro video camera and will be taking footage for the documentary. I'm not really kidding actually. And he isn't the first one to think of it. When I first met Tammy's sister, she was talking about how Tammy should be documenting the first affiliate experience. Too bad Tammy will likely be crazed when they are here - getting ready to leave for Australia to hopefully start her first international affiliate.

I still think there is value in documenting what I am doing as I think this idea will spread and others will likely be in my situation - wanting to do it but having absolutely nothing to start with. It seems that right now other folks who might be interested already have a farm and goats and a truck and some power tools. I am a city girl making a transition and the biggest challenge is that my days are generally filled with other work that keeps my rent & bills paid and gives me health insurance. I can't afford to leave it and go full tilt into this venture until I figure out if I can sustain myself with it. Such a balancing act. Have I mentioned that my balance is a little wonky?

I went out to visit my boys over at Tammy's place today. It was a rough week and I needed some time with the animals out in the country. The calf was a big slobber mouth and would hardly leave me alone when I got there. She is awfully cute but I was there for the goats. Even though Griffin has siblings there, he is so bonded to his pal Stanley that they follow each other around. They curl up together in the corner, often with Stanley around Griffin who is scrunched up against the wall. George and HoneyBear are the other team. Bear seems to be managing his bullying behavior with the other big goats around, and the calf. They seemed a little bored today since it was raining and they were mostly inside - George and Bear were trying to eat the walls. There is a shelf that runs along the length of one of the walls of the one stall and the goats love getting up on it in a line - head to butt. At one point all 4 of my boys were up there but it was too dark to take a picture with my phone camera. I think I met the next 2 who will be mine. If it is them they are super sweet. They have similar coloring to Bear but longer ears and one doesn't have horns. They are smaller too, yearlings I think. I don't actually remember how old Bear and George are. I think Tammy told me.

I also went out to check out my first potential job today! Woohoo! The woman was really cool. I think it will be a good first job. I have to figure out doing the estimate now. Zoinks! I also need to figure out my "test run" sites. Tomorrow will give me some daylight to check out the more complex one. I'll be there for a party and use the opportunity to check it out. Nat is working on modifying the design for truck signage and I'll need to get a banner done as well soon. The place I am getting this stuff done is pretty quick so that is a real plus. I have almost 70 fans on my Facebook page as well (www.facebook.com/amazingrazersllc)! People are awesome! I still can't get over the fact that people will just invite you into their houses and give out addresses and such for this business. It almost freaks me out. I am so used to managing privacy stuff and being uber careful about talking about people but in this kind of business people talking is what you want. As long as you are good.

Operation "goatlift"

So I have made my first official crappy decision in this venture. I was desperate to get these 2 young goats that I fell in love with and I went with a location option that was far less than ideal and when it came to delivering said goats - it didn't pass muster. Too wet, crazy woman in charge, shelter not sufficient etc. I was wet and cold and had been working on this "move-in ready" space all day, I was devastated. The other 4 came from another source who was more flexible in looking at the space especially since it would be temporary. A week later and the goats I tried for have been adopted elsewhere, to a family that has their buddy so it's all good in the long run. And, as important, with the help once again of Tammy, my 4 goats are out on Vashon Island with her smaller crew of animals. The woman really was crazy and trying to get me to pay more money than the space was worth and couldn't even handle a conversation with me about it. So Saturday I met up with Tammy and we loaded George, HoneyBear, Griffin and Stanley into her truck and I drove behind them down the highway all teary eyed cuz it's too hard to see them everyday now but they will be taken care of for less $$ than creepy lady. sigh. So now I am in trying to find a real space where I can adopt from the Rescue and get my 4 a safe place to be closer to me.

So much has gone on since the beginning of the year. I bought a truck. I have business cards. The website should be up within the week and I am trying to get on-site estimates done on the referrals Tammy has sent me. Fencing has been delivered and I am now on the hunt for my power-tools and miscellaneous other needed objects for the biz. I am getting my books set-up. I have trimmed some hooves without the benefit of a stancion and given immunizations. Oh...I was getting up and driving 30 min to my goats in the pre-dawn hours every day for a week and then doing it again in the late evening. I want them closer to me. I want to hang with the goats. George is an attention hog. HoneyBear is kind of a bully. Griffin and Stanley had been working up their courage in dealing with HB and now Griff is gonna be hanging with a couple of siblings over on Vashon. I often feel like I am not doing enough and that maybe I am in over my head. I think that's just fear of the unknown but it causes anxiety nonetheless. Tammy's partner is a psychic and at Tammy's birthday party told me that she could tell I was on the right path. I come back to that often because I really do feel that deep down.

I did decide that regardless of whatever happens with the business end, I need goats in my life and need to live in a place I can have them. These are amazing creatures with ancient histories and interesting mythologies associated with them. I like the smell of hay, and goats and doing something physical, being outside. I was looking in my notebook tonight and found the date that this all started...May 14th, 2010. I am looking forward to the day when I can have my own house with a barn out back with my goats. Have people over, room for guests and shenanigans. Maybe even have room to work on my quilts and make jam/apple butter. I want to be able to teach Josh & Riley not only how to drive a manual car but also to trim goat hooves. Even wrangling a goat for hoof-trimming is satisfying in a strange way. It's a task that gets completed and you can see the progress right then. Not like behavior change in people - that's so far-reaching. System change even more so. I am reading a book calles Goat Song right now and it's fascinating how all this caprine history and lore gets interwoven with the author's experiences with living in the country and having goats and making cheese.

Change is hard and this is a big change as I have to retain parts of my current life while doing this new one. A tricky balancing act and well, my balance hasn't always been that good. I truly am looking forward to getting into a rhythm and then using the animal connection in ways to help serve my favorite populations of disenfranchised folks.

Brand New Year

Ok the panic and anxiety are really setting in. Oh, and the excitement. But really....I don't have a truck, a place to keep the goats or the goats themselves yet. Although I did start talking to someone referred to me by Tammy...hopefully she'll stay in touch cuz Whidbey Island wouldn't be a bad gig. I keep wondering if I am making bad decisions, like the "rack" for the truck. It occurs to me that I will need to put something in to hold the goats back while I lower the ramp because otherwise they will probably start coming down before the ramp is down and that could be a major problem. Getting the rack on the truck is gonna be a feat as well. How strong am I again? I worry about not being on location with my goats. I don't have a vet kit or a vet yet. Or insurance. Now I start the hyperventilating. Paper bag - stat! My card design isn't done and I need someone to do my website after all. I could be doing marketing if I only had the means!!! At this late date it will probably mean paying more money than I want to as well. Aaaargh! I get to feeling like I don't know WTF I am doing. I live in the city for crying out loud! I can't even get through a 5k without getting overheated and wreaking my body - do I really have the stamina for this? I am used to sitting at a desk staring a computer talking to people not using power tools and figuring out livestock management. I am fearful of goats dying because I don't know what I am doing. And yet I still want to take home half the goats at New Moon Farm right now. I guess being scared is part of the deal with doing something new. I just wish that I didn't feel paralyzed at times. Like the whole month of December. But it is all getting real - my hours are officially reduced mid-month and I will have to rein in my spending habits. As my brother said tonight...how bad of a mistake could I really make on a truck? The training can't come soon enough. I really should be making a list of questions but sometimes it seems like my questions are about having someone else do it for me which is not really the point here. I think it will be a good year it's just getting over the hump of actually starting this venture. I really do have faith that once I get going I will be good and business will be good. Procrastination is not my friend though I keep inviting it in.